AzuTalk
by DOGHERO1925
Summary: Real subjects covered by the characters of Azumanga Daioh, topics provided by YOU the fans! Rated T for Tomo...being Tomo and other things that only happen on live TV. Inspired by Weener1's Azumanga Help Desk
1. FanFic Pairings

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(Static)

(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)

ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO AZUTALK, THE SHOW WHERE THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH DISCUSS SUBJECTS GIVEN BY YOU THE FANS! TODAY WE DISCUSS AZUMANGA FAN FICTION PAIRINGS. THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE DOWNRIGHT UGLY. IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE ON AZUTALK!!

(Spy Hunter Theme by Saliva plays)

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. KAZUHIRO OKAMI!!!!!

(Audience applauds and cheers as a burgundy and black 1953 Indian Chief smashes through a wall in the back of the sound stage, the motorcycle roars up to the stage and pulls over. Kazuhiro jumps off and cheers, giving high-fives to the audience.)

Kazu: THANK YOU!! OK! Welcome to the first episode of AzuTalk, I'm Kazuhiro, your host. So, today we are going to be discussing fan fiction pairings. But I can't do it alone, so welcome the discussion panel! The cast of Azumanga Daioh!!

(Raucous cheering and applause)

Kazu: Chiyo Mihama!

(Chiyo enters and waves)

Kazu: Tomo Takino!

(Tomo runs out, jumping around, blowing kisses to the crowd)

Kazu: Sakaki!

(Sakaki walks out and shyly waves, accompanied by wolf whistles)

Kazu: Koyomi Mizuhara!

(Yomi walks out and waves calmly)

Kazu: Ayumu Kasuga also known as Osaka!!

(Osaka walks out, spaced as usual)

Kazu: Kagura!!!

(Kagura also runs out waving wildly, wolf whistles intensify)

Kazu: And finally, Kaorin Aida!!

(Kaorin appears, nervous as can be)

(All of them sit down)

Kazu: OK, so today's topic is fan fiction. Tomo, we'll start with you.

Tomo: It's hot.

Yomi: God, her perverted side is out again…

Tomo: No, seriously it's hot. What, Kazu? You don't have air conditioning?

(Scattered laughter)

Kazu: No, it's on.

Tomo: Oh, I guess it's just me. (Wink)

Yomi: I knew it…

Tomo: (Pats Yomi on the back) You just wish you were as hot as me.

Yomi: (sigh)

Kazu: OK, back on topic. Chiyo, what do you think?

Chiyo: I think it's a great way for people to express their ideas about their favorite shows, movies or even books.

Kagura: Or video games.

Chiyo: Or video games.

Kazu: OK, Kagura, your opinion?

Kagura: Well, it's interesting. Some of them are really good…

Tomo: And some of them are HOT and STEAMY! (Stands up and thrusts her hips)

Kagura: What ARE you talking about?

Tomo: Here, read this!

(Kagura grabs the stack of papers and begins to read. Her eyes grow wide.)

Kagura: You people are sick.

Sakaki: What?

Kagura: Look at this. They wrote a fanfic about us.

(Sakaki takes the papers and reads. She blushes madly)

Sakaki: I…I…

Kagura: Gross, isn't it?

Kazu: And there are more like this all over, most worse than this!

Kagura: Worse?

Kazu: Yeah.

Tomo: (whispers to Kazuhiro) Don't show these to Kimura.

Kazu: (whispers back) Right.

(Laughter)

(Mr. Kimura walks onstage)

Kimura: DON'T SHOW WHAT TO KIMURA??

Kazu: Will you get off my stage?

Kimura: But…

Kazu: OFF!

(Kimura slowly walks off)

Kaorin: Whew! That was close!

Yomi: No lie.

Kazu: Anyway, I agree with Chiyo that this is a great expression of enjoying a media program, but some people just take it too far. We'll be right back after the break!

(Commercial begins; Tomo is standing next to a girl crying)

Tomo: Are you recovering from a nasty break-up? Will your douche bag ex not leave you alone? Come to Tomo's Relationship Counseling and we'll straighten you BOTH out! (Cracks knuckles)

(Show returns, applause)

Kazu: We're back! OK, now we will be discussing some of the pairings we've seen in Azumanga Daioh fanfics. Lower the screen if you will…

(TV screen lowers from the roof)

Tomo: OK… That's cool.

Kazu: Indeed. First, a very popular one.

(The word "Toyomi" appears onscreen)

Tomo: (Looking confused)

Yomi: What the hell is "Toyomi"?

(Laughter)

Osaka: Is that like a milkshake or summin'?

(Laughter and applause)

Kazu: (Looks at Osaka, then Tomo and Yomi.) Um… Tomo? Yomi?

Both: What?

Kazu: That's you two…

(They slowly look up at the screen, then at each other)

(More laughter)

Both: OH…MY…GOD…

Tomo: I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!

(Laughter)

Yomi: Oh, don't even think about it!

Tomo: Come on! You love me and you know it!

Yomi: Dear God, no.

Tomo: You know you want some of this!

Yomi: You have no idea how much I wanna hit you right now?

Tomo: Damn right you wanna hit this! (Rubs her ass)

(Wild laughter and wolf whistles)

(Uppercut)

Yomi: That actually felt pretty good.

Kazu: Glad you're feeling better. We're gonna take a commercial break while we try to wake Tomo up. We'll be right back.

(Commercial starts)

(Kagura walks out of a pool in a bikini)

Announcer: Do you want a smoking hot body like this? Then order the Awesome Gym now and get a body that will REALLY turn heads

Kagura: If you ask me, the Awesome Gym is the best way to get a slim body in a limited amount of time. Wow. It really is that good. Just call the toll free number below. You'll be glad you did.

(Commercial ends)

Kazu: Oh, cool… Ohcrap! Um, we're back and our subject is still fanfic pairings.

Yomi: Sick freaks.

Kazu: Our next pair is…

(The screen says SakakiXKaorin)

Kaorin: THERE IS A GOD!!

Sakaki: (blush)

Kazu: OK, this is new.

(Kaorin scoots her chair closer to Sakaki.)

Kazu: MOVING ON! The next pair often seen is…

(Screen says SakakiXKagura)

Kagura: …

Sakaki: …

Kaorin: Must…resist…urge…to…punch…Kagura!

Tomo: Wow…

Yomi: I know…

Tomo: SAKAKI! YOU DIRTY GIRL!!

Sakaki: What?

Tomo: Gettin' freaky with the jock! Way to go!!

Sakaki: But…we…

Tomo: Oh, come on! Don't be shy! How far did you get?

Sakaki: I…didn't…

Kazu: OK, then… Next!

(Screen says KaguraXTomo)

(Silence)

(Kagura and Tomo stare at each other)

Kazu: (High pitched) Awkward…

(Laughter)

Yomi: Not one to talk now, are you?

Tomo: Umm…

Kazu: I knew they called her the Wildcat, but this is just ridiculous.

Chiyo: I'm just confused now.

Kazu: (Pats Chiyo on the shoulder) You're not alone. OK, we'll be right back! Saliva is here!!

(Commercial)

(Kazuhiro is sitting on his motorcycle)

Kazu: Do you want tickets to the next episode of AzuTalk? Just call the toll-free number and pick up your ringside seats now. Be there.

(Commercial ends)

Kazu: Thank you all so much!! We'll see ya next time, on AzuTalk!!!

(Cheering and applause)

_See you next time! Read and Review!!_


	2. Rap Craze and FanFic Pair 2

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(Static)

(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)

ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO AZUTALK, THE SHOW WHERE THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH DISCUSS SUBJECTS GIVEN BY YOU THE FANS! TODAY WE DISCUSS THE CURRENT HIP HOP AND RAP CRAZE IN AMERICA! WHY DID IT START AND HOW LONG WILL IT LAST? THAT'S ALL COMING UP RIGHT NOW ON AZUTALK!!

(Spy Hunter Theme by Saliva plays)

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. KAZUHIRO OKAMI!!!!!

(Audience applauds and cheers as a burgundy and black 1953 Indian Chief smashes through a wall in the back of the sound stage, the motorcycle roars up to the stage and pulls over. Kazuhiro jumps off and cheers, giving high-fives to the audience. He is dressed in a white T-Shirt, fatigues, Lugz work boots and a TapOut baseball cap)

Kazu: Alright! OK! Hello everyone, welcome to the show. Today we discuss the rap and hip-hop craze. Honestly, I REALLY don't get it. But, while we're at it, let's bring out the people you all wanna hear from! Here is the cast of Azumanga Daioh!

(The girls enter in a similar fashion, except for Tomo. She is dressed in a long T-Shirt, a sideways flat bill cap and short shorts)

Kazu: Tomo, what the hell are you wearing?

Tomo: Hey, I have to look the part!

Kagura: I'm gonna be completely honest, you look like a moron.

All (except Tomo): Agreed.

(Laughter)

Kazu: I really don't understand the whole look that comes with the music.

Yomi: Yeah! I mean, what is the point of them wearing shorts that low if all they're gonna do is keep pulling them up. Why even bother wearing them at all, you know?

Tomo: Yeah, I bet you'd like that! Get a little sneak peek at the goods, if ya know what I mean! (Elbows Yomi in the stomach)

Kazu: Dear God, here we go.

(Laughter)

Yomi: And WHAT did you mean by THAT?

Kazu: OK! Let's get back on topic before Yomi knocks Tomo out…again.

(Laughter)

Osaka: I just get confused by all the lyrics…they really don't make any sense.

Kazu: And that's why I believe that rap is, in fact, an acronym.

Kagura: An acronym?

Kazu: Yep. RAP stands for Retards Attempting Poetry.

(Cheering and applause)

Kagura: Yeah! And let's not forget, you can't spell CRAP without RAP!

(Cheering)

Yomi: So true.

Tomo: But, you gotta admit, those rap guys are HOTTIES!

Yomi: Tomo, control your hormones.

Tomo: I could make some real music with 'em. (Stands up) IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

(Yomi puts Tomo in a headlock)

Kazu: OK, we'll be back after the break!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Commercial begins)

(Kazuhiro is wearing a karate uniform and a black belt)

Kazu: Hey, are bullies bugging you and you can't get 'em off your back? Or do you just have an urge to kick some severe ass? Then come to Kazuhiro's Self-Defense and Muay Thai Classes! You'll learn from me, a black belt in Muay Thai kickboxing, in ways of self-defense and old-fashioned ownage!

(Tomo runs on)

Tomo: YEAH! LIKE THIS! (High kicks Kazuhiro in the face and sends him flying)

(Tomo flashes a peace sign)

Tomo: Call now!

(Commercial ends)

Kazu: AND WE'RE BACK! Our subject is still the rap craze, and Tomo has some choice words about the subject.

Tomo: Yep. Don't wear short shorts. These things are really, REALLY uncomfortable. (Swivels in her seat)

(Laughter)

Chiyo: You know, you can go and change out of them. We'll wait here for you.

Tomo: Really? OK. (Undoes the button and zipper)

All: NOT OUT HERE!!!

(Laughter)

Tomo: Oh. Right. Sorry! (Walks offstage)

(Awkward silence)

Osaka: So…

(Laughter)

Kazu: …Anybody seen any good movies?

Kagura: I haven't gone to the movies in a while.

Chiyo: Me neither.

(Tomo returns in her usual street clothes)

Tomo: Aaaaahhhh! Much better. (Relaxes in her seat)

Kazu: Glad you're happy.

Kagura: Now, what were we talking about?

Osaka: Ummm…

Yomi: My thoughts exactly.

Kazu: Anything else you have to say?

All: Yep.

Kazu: OK…so I guess…

(A man in a headset walks onstage and hands Kazuhiro a paper)

Kazu: Well, it appears that we have a request from one of our fans. It says "I'd like to see you do another segment sometime in the future on the Azu-Pairings, since there are a good number of them you didn't mention"

StudentOfDust

Tomo: We're doing this again?

Kazu: Well, since we ran that topic into the ground. I guess so! Bring down the screen!

(TV screen lowers)

Kagura: Emotional scarring, here we come.

(Laughter)

Kazu: OK, so we'll do the three that StudentOfDust mentioned. First up!

(Screen says Chisaka)

Chiyo: What??

(Laughter)

Osaka: Wow… I never thought about it before. We're the same person, Chiyo an' me.

Chiyo: Me? And… Ms. OSAKA?

Kazu: It's actually a pretty popular one.

Chiyo: …

Kazu: OK, next…Oh Lord…

(Laughter)

Kagura: What?

Kazu: This one is…well… see for yourself.

(Screen says Chikaki [ChiyoXSakaki])

Sakaki: I… I don't know what to say…

Chiyo: Ms. Sakaki??

Tomo: (Sing-song) Scarring…

(Laughter)

Kazu: Yeah, Tomo…

(Screen says ChiyoXTomo)

Tomo: I had to open my big mouth.

Yomi: I told you it was gonna bite you eventually.

Kazu: And finally…

(Screen says YomiXSakaki)

Yomi: I'm a little freaked out.

Tomo: I find this amusing!

Kazu: I'm gonna need therapy.

(Laughter)

Kagura: Make it two.

Kazu: OH! One more…

(Screen says YomiXOsaka)

Yomi: …

Kazu: OK…That's just creepy.

Osaka: (Zones back in) Wut??

(Laughter)

Kazu: Ah, the joy of inner peace…or the brain-dead. Ok! That's gonna do it for this show, this is Kazuhiro Okami! See you next time on AzuTalk!!

(Cheering and applause)

_See you next time! Read and Review!!_


	3. FanFic Pairings AGAIN

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(3 Minutes before Showtime)

(Kazuhiro is pacing back and forth looking at his watch, his cell phone goes off)

Kazu: Kazuhiro…Oh, hello Mr. Mihama, have you seen Chiyo-can? She hasn't gotten here yet and we go live in 3 minutes…Oh…I'm sorry to hear that…What?...Alright, I'll tell 'em…Thank you very much…OK…Bye. (Hangs up)

(DOGHERO1925 or DH, the producer/creator, walks up to Kazuhiro)

DH: Hey Kazu.

Kazu: Oh, hey DH.

DH: Who was that?

Kazu: That was Mr. Mihama.

DH: What did he say?

Kazu: Chiyo can't make it to the show tonight.

DH: What happened?

Kazu: …She's undergoing psychological therapy.

DH: Wow. Why?

Kazu: Because of what happened last show.

DH: Wow. That's terrible.

Kazu: Yeah, I know. I'm thinking we should stop doing the pairings after this show. We don't wanna lose someone else.

DH: Right. But we're gonna need to find someone to replace Chiyo tonight.

Kazu: Yeah. (Ms. Yukari and Ms. Kurosawa walk by backstage.)

Kazu: (Smiles) Or two somebodies…

DH: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Kazu: OH yeah…

(Static)

(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)

ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO AZUTALK, THE SHOW WHERE THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH DISCUSS SUBJECTS GIVEN BY YOU THE FANS! TODAY WE DISCUSS FANFIC PAIRINGS…AGAIN. THAT'S ALL COMING UP RIGHT NOW ON AZUTALK!!

(Spy Hunter Theme by Saliva plays)

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. KAZUHIRO OKAMI!!!!!

(Audience applauds and cheers as a burgundy and black 1953 Indian Chief smashes through a wall in the back of the sound stage, the motorcycle roars up to the stage and pulls over. Kazuhiro jumps off and cheers, giving high-fives to the audience. He is dressed in a black Fox T-Shirt, fatigues, Lugz work boots and a TapOut baseball cap)

Kazu: Hey! Hello! Alrighty, welcome to the show. Now, before we begin there's something we need to discuss. Chiyo was not able to make it to the show because she's undergoing therapy after the last show…

(Laughter)

Kazu: No, no. This is serious. She wanted me to ask you all to stop sending us requests for fanfic pairing episodes. Please…For Chiyo-chan's sake…

(In the booth)

DH: Good man. We don't wanna lose another one.

(Onstage)

Kazu: So, with that being said… Let's bring out the panel!

(Everyone except Chiyo enters)

Kagura: We're doing this AGAIN?!

Kazu: Hopefully the last time.

Yomi: Hopefully?

(Laughter)

Kazu: Well, as I said, Chiyo-chan couldn't make it to the show. But do not worry! We've found two perfectly suited replacements for the time being.

Tomo: Who? WHO?

Kazu: Well, I think you know them both. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome MS. YUKARI AND MS. KUROSAWA!!

(Cheering)

(The two teachers enter and sit down)

Kazu: Well, thank you for coming to the show on such short notice.

Yukari: Oh, it was nothing. Nyamo needs some exposure anyway.

Kurosawa: (Clears throat) Thank you for having us.

Kazu: You're quite welcome. Anyway, let's get this over with.

(TV screen lowers)

Tomo: Here we go again…

Yomi: Third times' the charm.

Kazu: Indeed. First up!

(Screen says YomiXKaorin)

Yomi:…

Tomo: (Snickers)

Yomi and Kaorin: (Stare at Tomo) No…chance…in hell…

(Laughter)

Kazu: Totally. Next.

(Screen says KaguraXOsaka)

Kagura: Ooooooookkaaaaayyyyyy…

Osaka: Wow…

Kazu: That was the dullest response I've ever heard on this show.

(Laughter)

Kazu: OK, this is where it gets interesting.

(Screen says YukariXNyamo)

Yukari: OH NYAMO, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CARED!!

(Laughter)

Kurosawa: Who's idea was that?

Kazu: A lot of people…a LOT of people…

Kurosawa: Wow…

Kazu: Yeah, but it only gets worse…

(Screen says YukariXKimura)

Yukari: I will destroy you…

(Laughter)

Kazu: Wasn't my idea, I swear.

Kurosawa: (Laughs)

Kazu: (Smirks)

(Screen says NyamoXKimura)

Kurosawa: …

Yukari: (Laughs like crazy)

Kazu: Finally, this is the only one I've seen that actually makes sense.

(Screen says Kimura)

Kaorin: Ummm…

Kazu: The only person who could be in a relationship with Mr. Kimura is…Mr. Kimura.

Tomo: What about his wife?

(Silence)

All: Who?

(Laughter)

Kazu: OK, we'll be right back after this!

(Commercial starts)

(Kazuhiro is sitting on his motorcycle)

Kazu: Do you want to come to AzuTalk? Call the toll free number below to get you tickets now. Be there.

(Commercial ends)

Kazu: OK. We're back and…anyone else have any ideas left? We wanna make sure we never have to go back to this…ever…again…

(Laughter)

Kagura: Nope…got nothing.

Tomo: Nah.

Yomi: Nothing…

Osaka: What?

Sakaki: …No.

Kazu: OK, so I guess we can move on. We planned a segment here so the audience can ask us any question they want.

Kagura: Oh, this'll be fun.

Kazu: Yep, so first up. Yes, you in the blue.

Girl: Yeah, this question is for Kagura… Do you play any other sports besides swimming?

Kagura: Actually, yes. I also play softball and do track and field.

Kazu: OK, next.

Boy: Yeah, this one's for Sakaki. How is Myaa doing?

Sakaki: Um…he's doing very well, actually.

Kazu: Glad to hear it. OK, you.

Other Girl: OK, Kazuhiro. What are you doing after the show?

Kazu: Doing something with you, apparently.

(Laughter)

Man: This is a question for Tomo. Do you take any illegal substances?

(Laughter)

Tomo: Is this a rhetorical question?

(Laughter)

Kazu: Alright, last one.

Girl: This one is for Tomo and Yomi, have you two ever considered…you know…

Tomo: …

Yomi: How many times must I say it? No chance in HELL.

Kazu: On that cheerful note, that'll do it. We'll see ya next time on AzuTalk. Bye!

(Cheering and applause)

_See you next time! Read and Review!!_


	4. AzuTalk Smokin' Summer Bash!

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(Static)

(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)

ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO THE AZUTALK SMOKIN' SUMMER BASH! PLEASE WELCOME KAZUHIRO OKAMI AND THE CAST OF AZUMANGA DAIOH!!!

(Fins by Jimmy Buffett plays)

(The girls and Kazu make their way out of the tunnel placed between the bleachers where the audience is seated. All of them are wearing Hawaiian themed clothes. Kazu has leis hanging off the handlebars of his chopper; Tomo is wearing a grass skirt and coconut bra, whilst everyone else looks like a tourist. The group makes their way to their seats. Kazuhiro pulls off to the side and revs the chopper's engine. The crowd goes nuts. The set looks like a beach with folding chairs and fake palm trees.)

Kazu: OK! Aloha!! Welcome to the AzuTalk Smokin' Summer Bash!!

(Loud Cheering)

Kazu: So, we're celebrating the scorching summer by answering a question posed to us by a fan, so here we go.

(Opens the letter)

Kazu: It says "_"What is the place you would like to go to the most, for summer vacation?"",_ StudentOfDust

Yomi: Well, makes sense. If I could go anywhere, it'd probably be Kauai in the Hawaiian Islands. It's just so beautiful there.

Tomo: Or Maui! Some smokin' bodies there!

Yukari: I heard that.

Kurosawa: You'll have to excuse them. They're being…

Kazu: Yeah. Got it.

(Laughter

DH: If I could go anywhere, I'd wanna go to Monterey. It's a wonderful place, golden sand, pure blue surf. The place is paradise.

Kazu: Indeed. If you ask me, if I could go anywhere it would probably be the Badlands in South Dakota. I talked to a guy that went there; he told me it's like walking on another planet.

Osaka: What if it is?

Kazu: What?

Osaka: What if another universe is crossing into ours and tearing the space time conti…con…

Yomi: Continuum?

Osaka: Yeah. That.

Kazu: Ooooooookkkkkaaaayyyyy… MOVING ON!

Kagura: If I could go anywhere for summer vacation, it would be Long Beach.

Tomo: More hotties!!

(Laughter)

Kazu: OK, Ms. Takino. Where would you go for summer vacation?

Tomo: Hollywood.

Kazu: Any particular reason why? Or just cause?

Tomo: Maybe up my chances of being in the modeling business. They say I've got potential. (Sways her hips)

Kazu: Jeez…

Chiyo: If I could go anywhere, it would be Paris. There's just so much there.

Tomo: _Voulez-vous couche avec moi?_

Kazu: Do you even realize what that means??

Tomo: …No.

Kazu: It means "Will you have sex with me?" in French.

Tomo: Ah…oh…

(Laughter)

Chiyo: Well, what about you Ms. Sakaki?

Sakaki: …well…If I could go anywhere, I would go to…Broadway…

Kazu: Wow. Didn't see that one coming. Why Broadway?

Sakaki: …That one play…

Kazu: What…OH! I see. Right. Well, Kaorin, what about you?

Kaorin: Wherever Ms. Sakaki is… (Swoons)

Kazu: Someone has to say it, might as well be me. Kaorin…you have a problem.

(Laughter)

Yukari: Vegas… If I could go anywhere, it'd be Las Vegas.

Kazu: Of course… sex, booze and God knows what else.

(Laughter)

Yukari: Yes sir.

Kazu: OK, Ms. Kurosawa. What about you?

Kurosawa: Probably Italy.

Yukari: Hoping to get some?

Kurosawa: No!

Yukari: Denial!!

Kazu: Anyway, as a special treat, we're going to show you some video of our last traditional trip to Chiyo's summer home. All caught from my handy-dandy camera. Bring down the screen.

(TV screen lowers)

Tomo: This ought to be interesting.

Kazu: Indeed. OK, Smokey, roll 'em!

_(The screen lights up. It shows video of Chiyo's summer home as Kazuhiro walks up, he_

_is joined by Tomo. She is already in her swimsuit. "Not even in show business yet and_

_she's already perfected the segue!" He laughs. Tomo just sticks her tongue out at him. _

"_Nice." He drawls. They both make their way inside where the rest of them are waiting_

_Tomo immediately runs upstairs. The camera swings around to look at Yomi. "How did _

_you survive through grade school with her?" Kazu asks Yomi turns to look at the camera._

"_With much frustration." She grumbles.)_

(Clip ends)

(Laughter)

Kazu: OK, this next one was filmed a little later down at the beach.

(_Video starts up again. The girls are playing on the beach. "Looks like fun, don't it?" _

_Kazu says to himself. The camera zooms in as Tomo is hit in the back of the head by a _

_wave. Kazuhiro just laughs as the rest of them begin to crack up. Yomi is holding her gut _

_from laughing so much. Tomo gets up and tackles Yomi into the water.)_

(Clip ends)

(Laughter)

Tomo: That was not as fun as it looked.

Yomi: Neither was you TACKLING me!!

Tomo: …Good point. Considering I landed under your fat ass!

Yomi: What was that?

Tomo: I said I landed under your fat…

(Uppercut)

Kazu: Not again… We'll be right back after the break, don't go anywhere!

(Commercial begins)

(Kazuhiro is sitting on his chopper)

Kazu: Is there a question you want answered or a topic you want discussed on the show? Just send it to the email address below and it might be brought up on the show.

(Commercial ends)

Kazu: OK, we're back and Tomo is still out cold.

Kagura: Still? I gotta admit that was a nice shot.

Yomi: (Smiles) Thank you.

Chiyo: Maybe we should talk about our favorite summer moments.

Kazu: Sounds good to me.

Tomo: (Groans) What happen???

Kazu: Oh, she's up. Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!

(Laughter)

Kazu: And on that note, we'll say goodbye for now. Check ya later!!!

_See you next time! Read and Review!! Note: When Sakaki mentioned "that one play" she was referring to the Broadway musical "Cats". Yeah, obvious reasons._


	5. Azumanga Politburo Review Special

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami. The fiction Azumanga Politburo is the property of Slightly Askew.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(5 Minutes before Showtime)

(Kazuhiro walks into a plush office. DH is seated in the chair)

DH: Hey Kazu.

Kazu: You wanted to see me?

DH: Yep… There's this guy.

Kazu: Oh my God, you're not coming out of the closet, are ya?

DH: ...Very funny, wiseass. Anyway, there's a guy named Slightly Askew. He apparently wants us to review his fanfic on the show.

Kazu: OK, hold on. Why does he want US to do it?

DH: Because we are a well known program and he needs a promotion for it.

Kazu: Come ON! This is a shameless plug and you know it!

DH: Yes, but he is a major supporter.

Kazu: (Sighs) OK, fine. What's it called?

DH: It's called Azumanga Politburo.

Kazu: OK, lemme have it. (Kazu is handed a stack of paper)

(Kazu reads it intently, he raises his eyebrow)

Kazu: What the f…

(Static)

(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)

ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO AZUTALK, THE SHOW WHERE THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH DISCUSS SUBJECTS GIVEN BY YOU THE FANS! TODAY WE DISCUSS THE FANFICTION AZUMANGA POLITBURO!! IS IT REALLY ALL THAT?? THAT'S ALL COMING UP RIGHT NOW ON AZUTALK!!

(Spy Hunter Theme by Saliva plays)

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. KAZUHIRO OKAMI!!!!!

(Audience applauds and cheers as a burgundy and black 1953 Indian Chief smashes through a wall in the back of the sound stage, the motorcycle roars up to the stage and pulls over. Kazuhiro jumps off and cheers, giving high-fives to the audience. He is dressed in a white T-Shirt, fatigues, Lugz work boots and a TapOut baseball cap)

Kazu: OK! Yo! Alright welcome to the show, today we're talking about Azumanga Politburo, the fanfic by Slightly Askew. It's gonna be one of those shows, people. Now, we all read the fic before the show and…well, let's bring 'em out!

(The Azu Girls enter)

Yomi: …

Tomo: …

Kagura: …

Kazu: Well, what do you guys think?

(Tomo stands up)

Tomo: Do we look like commies to you????

(Laughter)

Kagura: No, not really.

Kazu: OK, so your thoughts on the first chapter??

Sakaki: Commissar of All Things Cute and Cuddly?

Yomi: Yeah, honestly.

Yukari: Leader…of the Silly Faction??? WHO WROTE THIS, A FIVE YEAR OLD?!?!

(Laughter)

Kazu: Guys, chill. I thought it was, well…entertaining.

Chiyo: Chairperson…

Kazu: Yeah, comfy position, ain't it??? OK, chapter 2, your thoughts???

Yomi: Commissar of Intelligence and Security…nice.

Kaorin: Commissar of Science. It's like a dream come true!!

Tomo: You WANT to be a commie?

Kaorin: Ummm…

(Laughter)

Kazu: I didn't think so. So, Kagura…Oh! I'm sorry…Marshall. (Stands up and salutes)

(Laughter)

Kagura: Commissar of the Armed Forces! Bitchin'!!!

Kazu: Indeed, now…Chapter 3…Osaka…COMMISSAR OF EDUCATION?!?!

(Laughter)

Osaka: You mean like a teacher?

Kazu: Yeah, something like that. Damn.

Tomo: And a giant bunny, no less.

Sakaki: (Blushes) …a…bunny?

Yukari: And Nyamo's still a P.E. teacher! Oh, well!

Kurosawa: What the… GIMME THAT! (Reads) It says Commissar of Health, you dope!

Yukari: Same thing, really.

(Laughter)

Kazu: Alrighty, next up is Chapter 4 and Tomo is introduced as the…(He stares, wide-eyed at the paper)…Commissar of…Justice.

(Laughter)

(Kazuhiro slowly turns to face Tomo)

Kazu: …

Tomo: …

Kazu: ………Ho-ly shit.

(Wild laughter)

Tomo: What?

Kazu: I've never been more horrified in my life.

(Laughter)

Tomo: You're just jealous of my skill!!!

(Tomo stands up and raises her hand in the air as the Russian anthem plays)

Yomi: Tomo, get down. You look like enough of an idiot.

(Laughter)

Kazu: And this part is just…well, see for yourself.

( Audio plays of someone reading this part of the story:

"Marshall Kagura, would you start things this week with your report?"

"Sure," she sighed. "Operation: Reuben Sandwich, our latest national land military exercise, ended Sunday night of this week."

"Hold on," said Yomi. "Did you just say 'Reuben Sandwich'?"

Kagura nodded. "Yes, you heard right." She shot an angry glance at Yukari. "Anyway, the exercise was a success. Our new _Kitana_ Mark Five tanks proved better than we expected in speed and firepower."

"What about their fuel consumption?" Chiyo asked. "With world prices for diesel as they are, the Mark Fives could take a big bite out of our fuel supplies."

"Not to mention the budget," added Sakaki.

"I anticipated that. So I had my staff go through the results of the exercise. We can upgrade our supplies of _Kitana_ Mark Threes and Fours by improving both their main guns and suspension systems. This will lengthen their lifespan considerably, as well as cut back their fuel usage by ten percent. If we keep Mark Five production to a bare minimum, using them for now as defensive tanks, that should aid us on the fuel question."

"Okay," said Chiyo. "Sounds good to me. Anything else?"

"One of our _Eggbeater_-class helicopter gunship squadrons will be grounded for the next few days."

"Which one?"

Kagura flipped a page in her folder. "The Twenty Second, near our northwest border."

"Why?"

"Well," she began, blushing. "It got...egged."

"What?" asked Kaorin.

"As in covered in eggs. Two nights ago, a dozen of their _Eggbeaters _were smothered with them. All sunny side-up and - oh God - sprinkled in paprika."

Chiyo and Sakaki facevaulted.

Nyamo turned to glare at Yukari and Tomo.

"What?" asked Tomo.

"Sabotage," Nyamo hissed.

Yukari smiled as she chewed her sandwich. "A dill pickle would go good with this right now.")

(Laughter)

Kagura: _Eggbeater?_ (Laughter) The hell kinda name for a helicopter is Eggbeater???

Osaka: I just thought… What if you try to scramble eggs with a helicopter?

(Laughter)

Yomi: Osaka… I really don't get you sometimes.

Kazu: And Ms. Yukari… Always one to break up the idiotic drama.

Yukari: This guy keeps it up, he could be writing the next Will Ferrell movie!

(Laughter)

Kazu: Ouch.

Kagura: Burn!

Tomo: Shut up! I like Will Ferrell!

Kazu: I'll bet you do. It takes an idiot to know one.

(Oooh!)

Tomo: What was THAT?

Kazu: Umm… We'll be right back after these commercials!!

(Commercial begins)

(Sakaki is sitting on a couch, holding a cat)

Sakaki: Is there an animal in your life that you can't take care of anymore? Then bring them into Sakaki's Home for Animals. We'll take care of them until you find stable ground. And you can come visit them anytime!

Voice: AzuTalk is a proud supporter of Sakaki's Home for Animals.

(Commercial ends)

Kazu: OK, we're back! So, chopper covered with eggs…

Chiyo: FRIED eggs, actually.

Kazu: Since when?

Chiyo: Here, look. (Hands him the next chapter)

Kazu: (Reads) Oh. Look at that.

Kagura: And you thought this couldn't get any MORE ridiculous.

Kazu: So, all in all, this is a very amusing story and a must-read if you're looking for laughs. It's no Flutter, but…

Tomo: And who the hell is this Rachel chick?

Yomi: Not a clue. Hey, Kazu! Who's Rachel?

Kazu: Who?

Yomi: That's what I thought.

Kazu: And with that…

Chiyo: OOH! OOH! Can I do it this time?

Kazu: Um, sure. Go ahead.

Chiyo: OK, that's all from us at AzuTalk! I'm Chiyo Mihama, goodbye!!

Kazu: Nicely done, Chiyo-chan

Chiyo: Thank you!

(Cheering and applause)

_See you next time! Read and Review!!_


	6. Snow and Shrapnel?

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami. The fiction Snow is the property of KittyAttack, a friend of the show.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(2 Minutes before Showtime)

Kazu: Hey, DH.

DH: Hey, what's up?

Kazu: I just got a call from KittyAttack; she was asking if we could review her fic Snow.

DH: Snow? Oh, yeah. I've read that one. It's pretty good.

Kazu: Good, we're throwing you on the panel tonight.

DH: Why is that?

Kazu: Kaorin's out sick.

DH: Oh, right. Gotcha.

Kazu: So…you ready?

DH: As ready as I'll ever be.

(Static)

(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)

ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO AZUTALK, THE SHOW WHERE THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH DISCUSS SUBJECTS GIVEN BY YOU THE FANS! TODAY WE DISCUSS THE FANFICTION SNOW!!! THAT'S ALL COMING UP RIGHT NOW ON AZUTALK!!

(Spy Hunter Theme by Saliva plays)

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. KAZUHIRO OKAMI!!!!!

(Audience applauds and cheers as a burgundy and black 1953 Indian Chief smashes through a wall in the back of the sound stage, the motorcycle roars up to the stage and pulls over. Kazuhiro jumps off and cheers, giving high-fives to the audience. He is dressed in a grey T-Shirt, a black collared overshirt, fatigues, Lugz work boots and a Michigan University baseball cap)

Kazu: Hello, hello, hello!! Welcome to the show. Hey! I made a rhyme! Woo!

(Laugher)

Kazu: Anyhow, let's get the show underway!

(The Azu Girls enter, except for Ms. Yukari)

Kazu: And welcome once again, the executive producer/creator of AzuTalk, DOGHERO1925!!!

(DH makes his way down)

Kazu: OK, everyone! …Where's Yukari??

Kurosawa: Yeah, she said she was running a little late.

Kazu: Eh, works for me. Anyway, we're here to review KittyAttack's fan fiction "Snow"

(Audience cheers, chanting "UPDATE, UPDATE!!")

Kazu: OK, I'm sure she's working hard on it.

Kagura: So, what's this story about?

DH: Oh, it's just another one of those Toyomi fics.

Yomi: Good Lord, don't start this again…

Kazu: Anyway, it's a very interesting fic. KittyAttack says was inspired by Cold Nights, one of my all-time favorites and it's very well written.

Tomo: Um, question?

Kazu: Yes?

Tomo: Do we… like me and Yomi…you know…

Kazu: Oh, God, no!

Tomo: OK, just checking.

(Laughter)

Kazu: Anyway, I think she nailed the perfect theme song for the Yukari-Mobile.

(Chiyo instantly goes pale)

DH: Um…Is she OK?

Yomi: It's a long story…

Osaka: The Yukari-Mobile scarred her for life.

DH: Right.

Tomo: Wait, what was the song?

(Get Ready to Die by Andrew W.K. plays faintly, but grows louder)

Kazu: That one.

(Engine roaring)

DH: Uh-Oh…

Kazu: EVERYONE HIT THE DECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The Yukari-Mobile smashes through the set, Kazuhiro tackles Sakaki to the ground as a chunk of metal crashes where she was seated. The audience ducks and some run out screaming. After the dust clears, the damage is visible to all. The silver Corolla has steamrolled through the set, stuck in the wall on the other side. Twisted metal and torn framing is scattered across the studio. Kazuhiro is lying off the stage, Sakaki still under his arm. Tomo and Yomi jumped clear just seconds before the car hit. Chiyo was pulled out of the way of the two ton monster by Kagura and DH throws Ms. Kurosawa aside, being clipped by the car himself. Nothing serious, though. The door on the Corolla is forced open and Ms. Yukari walks out cheerfully.)

Yukari: I'm here!!

(All stare at her)

Yukari: What??? (Looks around) Oh, dear… Did I do this???

DH: No… A monster truck came in before you showed up!!!!!!!

Kazu: (Groans) Ow…Sakaki, you OK?

Sakaki: (Groans)

Yukari: Oh…

_DH: We may be off the air for a little while to rebuild the frickin' set! DAMMIT YUKARI_

_Yukari: Not my fault!!_

_DH: No it was the other idiot with a silver death machine!_

_Read and Review!!_


	7. Azumanga Carnage

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami. The fiction Snow is the property of KittyAttack, a friend of the show.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(Cables are hooked to the Yukari-Mobile as it is pulled out)

DH: OK, OK, Bring it out slowly! We don't want this whole place coming down on us!!

Kazu: You know you're gonna have to pay for this, right?

Yukari: What? The car?

Kazu: No, the wall.

DH: Walls.

Kazu: Thank you, DH.

(The Yukari-Mobile is pulled free of the wall and out of the studio)

DH: Alright!

Kazu: Well, that was easy.

DH: Indeed…Wait! This is almost exactly what happened in Snow!

Kazu: What are you…? Oh yeah! I remember now!

Tomo: What happened?

DH: Well, Yukari got her lead foot back and…

Tomo: No, no! In the story!

DH: OH! Well, you and Yomi got in a fight, that same song played and your leg got ripped apart.

Tomo: Oh… EW…

Kazu: Yeah. Not fun.

DH: How in the blue hell does that woman still have her license?

Kazu: Who, Yukari? Not a clue.

Tomo: Gotta say, it's probably safer to be inside it.

DH: (Laughs) I heard that.

Kazu: Oh, I almost forgot! Hey Yukari!!

Yukari: Yes?

Kazu: I forgot to tell you. Slightly Askew has a fanfic about you.

Yukari: Really???

Kazu: Yeah. It's called Azumanga Politburo: The Sugar Rush Run.

Yukari: Another commie fic?

DH: Yep.

Yukari: Joy.

Kazu: Yeah, it's kinda funny actually.

DH: Quite.

Kazu: Wait, are we still rolling? Is the film still going?

Cameraman: Yep, looks like it.

Kazu: Oh crap! OK, everyone in their seats!

Tomo: Right!

(Everyone quickly makes their way to their seats)

Kazu: OK, here's one from HeartFout. He sent us multiple subjects, so away we go!

Kagura: Cool.

Kazu: Alright, first up! Reality TV, your thoughts?

DH: Plague on good television.

Yomi: Totally scripted.

Tomo: WHAT? IT IS? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!

All: …

Kagura: Amusing…for about ten minutes.

Chiyo: Some good…some bad.

Osaka: You ever thought about gummi worms?

Kazu: WHAT?

Osaka: Do they make them to stop people from eating real worms?

DH: Um…

Kazu: OK, favorite sports…GO.

Kagura: Swimming!

Kazu: How did I guess?

Chiyo: Baseball.

Tomo: RUNNING!

DH: Football. American Football.

Kazu: Yeah, I heard that.

Yukari: Does drinking qualify as a sport?

Kazu: Um…no.

Yukari: Dammit.

Kurosawa: I've kinda always loved soccer myself.

Sakaki: …volleyball.

Kazu: MMA.

DH: Cool. OK, next topic…

Kazu: WAIT! How'd you get the list???

DH: NINJA'D!

Kazu: You suck.

DH: Anyway, thoughts on entering college.

Chiyo: I'm excited!

Kazu: Two words…toga party.

Kagura: (Laughs)

Sakaki: A little nervous…

Yomi: Can't wait!

Tomo: Me either!

Yomi: Tomo, the only reason you even PASSED the entrance exam was because you copied off me!

Tomo: Yeah, so?

DH: ANYWAY! Next topic is…barometers? What the hell?

Kazu: That was kinda random.

Tomo: What the [censored] is a barometer???

Chiyo: A barometer is used to measure atmospheric pressure using water, air or mercury…

Tomo: (Twitches) AAAAAHHH!! MY BRAIN!!

Yomi: Once a moron, always a moron…

DH: And this one is for Yomi. What do you think about studying law?

Yomi: Why?

Kazu: What do you mean?

Yomi: Why would I waste my education by associating with a business of blood sucking hypocrites? All lawyers ever do is run their mouths and try to win over a judge like justice is a damn popularity contest! I refuse to learn the ways of, much less work with cheap, ass-kissing political parasites???

(Raucous cheering)

DH: Will you go out with me?

Yomi: Yes.

Tomo: OH, WHAT THE HELL??

Kazu: Nice. No Toyomi here. KittyAttack, eat your heart out!

Kagura: Hey, that's not nice!

Kazu: Hang on. (Picks up his laptop and starts it. Gets onto and selects KittyAttack's profile) Take a look at this.

Kagura: (Sees KaguraXKaorin under "Pairings I LOVE")

Kazu: See?

Kagura: (Growls) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN???

DH: Hey, don't shout.

Kagura: GET OFF MY BACK!!!

Kazu: You're shouting again…

DH: So, next up! If you could colonize one planet, what would it be and why?

Tomo: Jupiter!!

Yomi: Yeah, the only planet with more hot air than she has.

Tomo: Hey!

Kazu: (Laughs)

Chiyo: Probably Mars since it seems to be the next step.

Osaka: Poor Pluto…

DH: What?

Osaka: Pluto, if you're listenin' YOU ARE a planet and nobody can tell you different!

Kazu: Well…Alrighty then.

DH: Kaorin would have been all over this one.

Kagura: Yeah, so I'm gonna answer for her!

Kazu: Wait, what?

Kagura: (Swoons) Whatever planet Ms. Sakaki is on!

Tomo: (Laughs) No lie!!

Kazu: Agreed.

DH: OK, next topic favorite flowers.

Kazu: I think this is one for the ladies.

DH: Yeah.

Chiyo: OK! I really like sunflowers!

Kagura: Water lilies.

Yomi: Roses…

Tomo: Dunno…

Kazu: Yeah, because you're usually running OVER them instead of looking at them!

Tomo: Touché…

Sakaki: Cherry blossoms on a spring morning…

Kazu: Wow…

DH: Deep. Next topic, the Big Bang theory.

Tomo: SHIT BLEW UP!!!!!!!

Kazu: Sounds about right.

DH: Final topic…WTF?

Kazu: What?

DH: Look at this!

(Kazuhiro picks up the paper and reads it.)

Kazu: Is it really that obvious?

DH: Unless, of course, he's talking about…us.

Kazu: DUDE! That's just wrong!

DH: Agreed. (Shreds the paper and throws it behind him)

Kazu: So, Snow…READ IT!

DH: Sugar Rush Run, short but sweet…pun fully intended, thank you.

Kazu: How about everyone this time!!

All: SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON AZUTALK!!!

_See you later!! Read and Review!!!_


	8. Game On!

AzuTalk

Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami.

AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.

(Static)

(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)

ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO AZUTALK, THE SHOW WHERE THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH DISCUSS SUBJECTS GIVEN BY YOU THE FANS! TODAY WE DISCUSS THE CREWS FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES, TV SHOWS, RADIO AND MUSIC!!! THAT'S ALL COMING UP RIGHT NOW ON AZUTALK!!

(Spy Hunter Theme by Saliva plays)

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. KAZUHIRO OKAMI!!!!!

(Audience applauds and cheers as a burgundy and black 1953 Indian Chief smashes through a wall in the back of the sound stage, the motorcycle roars up to the stage and pulls over. Kazuhiro jumps off and cheers, giving high-fives to the audience. He is dressed in a grey T-Shirt, a black collared overshirt, fatigues, Lugz work boots and a Michigan University baseball cap)

Kazu: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, welcome to the show once again. And, the best part is WE FIXED THE SET!

(Cheering)

Kazu: So, with that being…

(Kaorin walks out onstage)

Kaorin: Um…Can I talk to you real quick?

Kazu: Um, OK.

(The two walk backstage and a cameraman follows)

Kazu: So, what's up?

Kaorin: Listen, I can't hold it back any longer. I need to tell Miss Sakaki.

Kazu: And you want to do it on the show?

Kaorin: Yes. The truth comes out tonight.

Kazu: OK, we'll do it.

Kaorin: (Hugs Kazu) Thank you so much.

Kazu: Hey, no prob.

(They come back out onstage)

Kazu: OK, anyway let's bring the cast on out!!

(The girls, teachers and DH enter stage left and sit down)

Kazu: OK, today's topic is favorite video games.

Kagura: BA!

Kaorin: BA? What's BA?

Kagura: BA, you know, badass?

(Pause)

Kaorin: OH.

Tomo: Took her long enough.

Kazu: OK, Kagura and DH. You two are the hardcore gamers, what are your favorite games?

Kagura: I'm partial to Unreal Tournament 3 myself.

DH: Agreed.

Kazu: Okami. Hands down.

(Cheering)

Tomo: GTA 4!

DH: Why am I not surprised?

Chiyo: I kinda liked that one…Kat…Kataaa…

Kazu: Katamari Damacy?

Chiyo: Yeah, that's the one!

DH: Well, what about you Yukari?

Yukari: Halo 3 is God's gift to mankind.

DH: Here, here!

Yomi: I was always into those RTS games.

Tomo: Pfff…nerd.

DH: Excuse me?

Tomo: Not you!

DH: I'm a nerd and I'm DAMN proud of it!

(Raucous cheering and applause)

Kazu: Preachin' to the choir.

Osaka: What were we talkin' 'bout?

DH: We…never mind.

Kazu: What was that all about?

DH: I've found it's pointless to explain things to her.

Kazu: Excellent point.

Tomo: You'll get no argument from me.

Kazu: Anyway, if you mind. Kaorin…go right ahead.

Kaorin: Um…with all those watching?

Kazu: Right. We'll be right back!

(Commercial begins

(Emergency alert test)

(Commercial ends)

Kazu: And we're back and some odd things have happened…

(He moves out from in front of the camera. Kaorin is on her knees in shock, Tomo has fallen out of her chair laughing. Kagura is standing next to Kazu. Osaka is the only one still sitting down. Chiyo has hidden behind a table. Yomi is kneeling down, waving her hand in front of Kaorin. Sakaki is standing alone, blushing madly.)

Kazu: To explain briefly, Kaorin finally confessed, Tomo laughed so hard she fell out of her seat and knocked over the table in process, Chiyo hid behind the table after DH nearly got taken out by Kagura trying to get over here. But, it's out in the open now.

Sakaki: …Kaorin…did you mean that? About my…

Kazu: It's ALL out in the open.

Kagura: Does our insurance cover mental therapy?

DH: Probably not.

Kagura: Didn't think so.

Kazu: I wasn't even paying attention to half of what she was saying.

Tomo: Oh she was saying how much she loved Sakaki and wants to (censored) her (censored) until Sakaki's (censored) fall off and Kaorin's (censored) is whistling "O Come All Ye Faithful". And she was gonna suck her (censored) dry and (censored) her on a desk, a rock even on the (censored) floor! And then (censored) her again.

(Silence)

Kagura: Wow…

DH: Yomi, has she always had such a… (Ahem) colorful vocabulary?

Yomi: Sadly, yes.

Kazu: Go figure.

DH: Um…we have some other topics to cover. If y'all are feelin' up to it.

Yomi: Sure, why not?

Kazu: I was worried about the line of good taste, but I think we've crossed that one a couple times.

(Laughter)

DH: OK, another topic brought here by a guy named GrimMoody. He wants to know what the girls here like in guys.

Tomo: I think we can cross Kaorin off that list.

(Laughter)

DH: Agreed, well ladies?

Tomo: I like a guy with a big…

DH and Yomi: Oh, don't EVEN go there!

Tomo: Hehehehehe…

Kazu: Anyway, what about you, Yomi?

Yomi: Well, I'm fine with what I got right here. (Puts her arm around DH)

DH: Well, thank you, my dear.

(Crowd chants "KISS HER!")

DH: Well, if you insist… (DH and Yomi kiss deeply)

Kazu: And there's always a happy ending on this show.

Tomo: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

(Laughter)

Kazu: Oh, will you stop?

Tomo: What?

Kazu: God, you are SO immature…

Yomi: Funny…

DH: What's funny?

Yomi: That's usually my line.

(Laughter)

Kagura: Sad thing is, she's actually right.

Osaka: Wait…why is Chiyo-chan hiding behind the table?

Kazu: Long story, Osaka.

DH: Anyhoo… So, what about you Kagura?

Kagura: You know…I never really thought about it until now.

Kazu: Yeah, same here.

Tomo: Kazu, you never thought about what you like in guys before???

Kazu: WHAT?

Tomo: Hahaha!! I'm just kidding!

Kazu: Some days I wonder…anyway, that's gonna do it for this episode! We'll see you next time on AzuTalk!!!

_Read and Review!!_


End file.
